l(a

l(a

l(a

le
af
fa
ll

s)
one
l

iness

ee cummings


Edward Estlin Cummings was a controversial poet during his time. He opted to write his name all in lower case letters and without using periods (i.e. ee cummings). For him, punctuation marks and any capitalization whatsoever means something else in his poetry. He is a recognized poet due the the unusual layout of his poems. His reason could be that he has some special purposes for making his poem unique. The layout of his poems could represent something that Cummings wanted to mean.

In the poem l(a, you could look at its construction and decipher what Cummings wanted to say. When you omit the line breaks, you would end up with this: l(a leaf falls)oneliness, and when you omit the phrase in the parentheses, a familiar word is recognized – LONELINESS.

One explanation of this poem could be that the phrase is inside the parentheses is an case of loneliness. It is already known that any plant or tree really has a lot of leaves. Whatever species a plant is, its leaves would be in groups or in bunches. When one leaf falls, it would be removed from its group. The fallen leaf's state would be loneliness.

The group of leaves represents a community and each leaf represents one individual within the community. When a leaf falls, it departs from its community or it is taken away from the community by a force. One example of a departure is when a family member (e.g. a mother) goes abroad in order to gain more money for her family. That leaf would really feel lonely because of the withdrawal from her family. An example of a forced departure is death. When a person dies, he is taken away from his family. And if there is really an after life, he would definitely feel lonely due to his state of removal from his loved ones (I am currently in deep self-reflection if I really believe that there is an after life).

Indeed, the analysis of this poem is really hard because Cummings would give special meanings to the style of his poetry. One has to dig deep to find the inner meaning of his works.

As what I have already said, the phrase ‘a leaf falls’ is an example of loneliness. There must be a reason the Cummings used this as a case of loneliness. I wonder what it could be. Since Cummings is fond of using the ambiguity of the letter ‘L’ in the typewriter, maybe he also played with the 2 definition of the word ‘leaves’. Leaves could be the plural form of leaf or a singular present tense of the word leave. Cummings might have used this in his poem of have a multiple function. Poetry really is beautiful because of the hidden messages.

If you look at the layout of the poem, you may be able to see this:

A half-arrow may be drawn on the poem's layout.

An explanation of this is simple. As what I have stated above, a person may be withdrawn from the community. A person when humiliated maybe turned away by the community. This leaf would fall down. This diagram could explain what happens to a person when humiliated (a leaf falling down).

You could see that in the upper part, 'l(a' is the form of the person when he is still on the top. 'iness' is the form of the person when humiliated. The wider 'iness' shows the disintegration of the dignity of the person.

A poem can be interpreted in numerous ways. I found Cummings’ poem really beautiful because of its multiple purposes of each elements of his poem. I can’t believe that a poem that short contains a lot of meaning.

march 9, 2007

It was March 19, 2007. It was a fine day in school. All was well. School was still school, and lessons were still lessons.

In the afternoon of that day, section Gonzalez had physics for the first period, while section Tan had research for theirs. After those subjects, the fourth years had the next period, CWTS.

CWTS is pretty much like the CAT but way a lot less harsh. We had the usual things to do. We had the usual inspection, and we had the usual drills. But since we have to give a little treat to the retirees, all of the fourth years have to be in the pass-in review.

The pass-in review is a march that we will give the retirees. It needs marching skills of all the fourth year students. The marching has to be perfect so that we can give them our best performance because that is something that they will remember us for. In order to achieve this perfection, we really have to practice, constant correct practice. Everything has to be perfect.

The marching is perfect when there is no sound during the marching, the legs must be parallel to the ground, and the most important aspect of all, synchronization. Once again, practice is really needed.

We started to practice on March 2, marching was terrible (I’m just being honest). But the thought of perfection is in arm’s reach. March 9 was only the second time that we have practiced. As I was saying, the marching was terrible. There was a loud sound when they were marching. To eliminate the sound during marching, the marcher has to land his foot on the ground with the tip on the foot and gently lower rest of the foot. I have trust in all of us that there would be that elimination of that sound.

I, being one of the CWTS officers, would strive really hard so that the sound would be gone because we were once like that when marching. I don’t know why others don’t look like they are serious of the pass-in review. I can’t see sincerity in their faces. I don’t know if they really understand the purpose of it. Some don’t look like they are trying their best to perfect this (if you are guilty, please try a little bit harder). All of the cadets were asked to march to see if there was synchronization, but there was none. Some were too fast, some were too slow. What bothered me was the sound they produced while marching. This took much of their energy.

(Moving back to the happenings on March 9) In the middle of the practice, all were to carry chairs to the Arts and Sciences building because HSAT (High School Admission Test) would be held there the next day. This added to their fatigue.

After practice was over, the officers had to dismiss the cadets. Richard Rey Caminade called up platoon Babaytan for formation. They came late. The summon (humanay) has to be complied within 15 seconds only. The platoon came for 46 seconds. Of course, an incompliance of an order would result to punishment. That is the agreement (THIS IS REALLY THE AGREEMENT). Usually, the punishment is the pumping (a.k.a. bombers). The number of bombers is the time that the platoon consumed to form their formation minus the time of compliance (15 seconds). That is 46 – 15. Babaytan had to perform 31 bombers for their punishment. An additional of 5 bombers were given because when their commanding officer asked them if they wanted more, only one answered. That answer was ‘yes’.

Now I ask you, was Richard being harsh or was he just doing his task? For me, he was doing both.

You see, 36 bombers are really tiresome. Thinking that they were also from a tiring practice and also from a chair-transporting task, the fatigue that the platoon had was really great.

BUT think also about the time they consumed just to be in formation. Isn’t 46 seconds too far from 15 seconds? If I was the commanding officer there, I would feel a little disrespected because the platoon didn’t comply with orders right away. It would be natural that Richard would become angry. And if you look at the agreement (incompliance of an order would result to punishment), the 31 bombers were the consequence for the mishap. The additional 5 bombers, it was also to be complied with because one answered yes. Platoon members are in the idea of all for one and one for all. A mistake of one is a mistake of all. When the one who wanted more answered yes, it would follow that all would receive the same. Just like one lesson of the Practical Law class, dura lex sed lex, the law is hard but it is the law. Think of it, was their punishment proper?

For me, Babaytan shouldn’t have been late so that the disaster wouldn’t have had happened. It is unfair in Richard’s part because his fault was the only side that was heard. By Newton’s 3rd Law of Motion, one is touched when it touches. Since Babaytan had a fault, that fault would come back to them.

It may look like I am on Richard’s side, but I am really in the neutral side because both parties had done something wrong.

Now I ask you again, was Richard being harsh or was he just doing his task?

friendship..

"A true friend is someone who thinks that you are a good egg even though he knows that you are slightly cracked."
-- Bernard Meltzer

There are about 6.6 billion people in the world today. What is the probability that 3 certain individuals would meet and know each other and become friends? It is so little that it seems impossible.

But as you see, I have them. The inseparable three(because we are classmates for four years) are namely: Paul Andrew Cinco Gutib, Gian Carlo Casinto Labadia, and Dan Henry Yee Montaño. We may not seem to be the hanging out type of friends, but we are indeed friends.

Our friendship started during the first year of high school in section Bartlett. The thing that we had in common was our fondness of playing computer games. It started with an RPG games without graphics. It was Shimlar. It is a little bit weird because Shimlar wasn't that exciting.

By the time we were second year students (the three of us were in section Palma), we played another game. This one was exciting because there was already graphics in it. It is an MMORPG. Our server was Chaos. At that time, Chaos had a lot of players. Averagely, there were ten thousand players logged in when we play but now there are just about three thousand. Everyday, we went to Surf n' Play just to play Ragnarok. But we got a little bit bankrupt because it was a Pay-to-Play game. That means, we had to buy load for us to play it. 50 pesos is just worth 8 hours of the game. Just image, I spent about 2000 pesos for the whole duration of playing (that is load + computer rental). Other than playing computer games, we also liked to play chess. Palma 2005 was the chess capital of UP at that time. Almost all boys of the batch played chess every lunch and every dismissal.

Then we became third year students (the three of us were still in the same section, Sison). At the start, we played a version of Ragnarok. It was a version wherein no top-up (buying load) was needed. Plus, there were experience and item drop multipliers. Leveling-up was now a piece of cake. We would play every Wednesday because third years are dismissed early every Wednesday. There came another game named DotA (Defense of the Ancients) introduced to us by Robert and Byron. We would be in an internet café after classes playing DotA.

Now that we are in the fourth and last year of high school (and again, we are still classmates- in section Gonzalez), computer gaming after classes is a thing of the past for us. In spite of that, we are still friends. The usual lunch at the canteen is still present (we had that since first year). We still are friends.

Through the years, we stood as friends from start to finish. Isn’t that incredible?

The three of us are filled with flaws. All of us are imperfect. Even if that is true, we still consider we other as friends.

love is both an act of will and of the heart...

Dan Henry Montaño was the type of person who plays practical jokes on people. He would tease his classmate for him to achieve laughter. But that Dan Henry was long gone. A new one was shaped.

During the enrollment for school year 2006-2007 of UP High School in Cebu, the students in fourth year section Gonzalez already started to choose where they want to sit. Naturally, close friends wanted to sit beside each other. But one chose a seat just to irritate someone. Together with a friend, the “irritant” planned to annoy that someone. The prank was started.

The irritant started to tease that someone everyday. But both got closer to each other. Both got to know each other. The irritant still continued to tease but significantly lesser than the start of the school year. Eventually, something magical happened.

Love is said to be indefinable. It is said to be something that only the people who are in love that truly know what love feels like. It is said that it is an ethereal bond that joins a man and a woman. Love may be all those but it is something that everyone has his or her own definition.

Love for me is something that encourages a person to improve himself or herself. Though it contradicts what Shakespeare says in one of his sonnets that states “Love is not love which alters when it alteration finds”, some people would still agree with me. As what you might have discovered, I was the irritant. I want to change because I fell in love with the girl of my life (do not react!).Yes, it is true. And I am not ashamed to let the world know. I am sure that there are plenty of others out there who are like that.

But when one wants the other to change, that is not love. It is because when one falls in love, that someone already has accepted you for who you are, the whole you. And demanding for a change is just an action of that person to mould his/her “loved” one into his/her dream somebody. But if a person wants you to change in order to make you into a better person, then that is just fine. (As want I have already stated in my other posts, this is just my opinion. You don’t necessarily have to agree with it.)

The website http://www.dictionary.com defines will as power of choosing one's own actions. It also defines heart as the center of emotion. For my opinion, love is an act of both the will and the heart. Falling for someone needs a decision whether to let it continue or let it cease. In falling in love, one has to choose one of those things. One has to weigh things and not just let emotions take over. Because when emotions are made to choose, one may end up in a bad situation (e.g. stop schooling). When both will and heart are used by both sides, the resultant relationship that they would have would be true and sincere. And the love that they share is intimate.

last periodical test...

When we all were still young, we went to elementary. Elementary was all about the general side of learning. We learned the basics. Even every after grading periods were the periodical exams.

I could still remembered the during grade 1, my classmate wasn't able to answer 2 pages because he wasn't able to notice it. The teacher gave him another chance to answer that part of the test. It was one of my first periodical tests.

Now that the Batch 2007 of the University of the Philippines High School in Cebu are about to graduate, there is only one periodical test to meet. Since grade 1, all batch members underwent 39 periodical exams. Only one periodical test is left and we will go to college.

I miss those times during my elementary years that my siblings would help me study and review for the examinations. I miss those times that I would get cranky because my sister would make me read all the lessons if I answered her questions wrong. Some of those I ended up crying because I wanted to go to sleep and she won't let me since I have not finished reviewing. But I am thankful to them because after the examinations, I would get good grades. I can still remember one instance that our science teacher during grade 6 announced the top scorer in the test. She made the announcement a little thrilling. She spelled out the last name of the top scorer (in DBTC, we are recognized by our last names). She started, "M". There were 4 of us whose last names started with the letter M. "O", she spelled out again. 3 were the possible people. "N", still 3 of us. "T", there were 2 of us left. The other shouted with glee (his last name was Montuerto). "A", haha! It was me. I was happy.

During high school, I had to review on my own. It was the time that I had to be independent. In a way, I was still successful since I still get good grades.

Periodical examinations for me is the time wherein I get to recover for my poor performances. It is because it is just the periodicals where I would study. I just don't fell like studying during the ordinary school days. So far I am still triumphant of my efforts to compensate for my perfomance.

I know that in UP, periodical tests are only one-third of my grade. And one-third isn't enough. Isn't it weird that I only study during periodical tests and I can get good grades? Well, it isn't. Though I don't study, I listen in class. As what our lesson in Public Speaking states, listening is hearing and understanding. I am a kind of student that retains what I understand. So, I am still able answer the seatworks and quizzes.

Now that the last periodical test is only 3 days away, I start to feel a little bit nervous because our performances would determine if we are going to graduate. I feel the pressure. But I do hope that all of us would pass. I hope that all of us would graduate. College, here we come!

danhenry's time capsule of remembrance...

On the very first day of high school, I was so immature. All the childish toughts were still dominant in my personality. These were a result to 3 years of schooling in an all-boy school. I know that its odd to hear that students from Don Bosco Technology Center (DBTC), a catholic school, would have students who are so-called kiatan. But it is inevitable that boys would be boys. We show off what we have to be on the top. Pride is the result of such actions. Don't wonder why I have too much pride.

I know that it was wrong that I brought that prideful attitude in UP. What can I do? It was who I was. I was wrong and I admit. As time passed, I knew that I had to change my attitude. It was a long process. I think it is impossible that this habit to cease. I admit that it is hard to contain my pride. My ego is just so easy to target. Even little side comments bother me. I want to change.

I want to be remembered as Dan Henry, the person who really wanted to change for the better.

Together with the changing process, I was so filled with laughter. In some instances, my laugh is so sarcastic that it makes other people feel bad. I don't know why but I easily laugh when other people are in mild accidents (i.e. matakilpo ). But not all times that I laughed were the times that others were in bad incidents. I laughed with people mostly. Whenever we had time to bond an just talk, all of us laugh. We laugh when funny moments are recalled. We laugh when we do something weird. We are just being joyful.

I want to be remembered as Dan Henry, the one who laughed with you during good and bad times. The one who makes people smile with his actions. The one who sess life as a simple thing.

A project for me is done with content, not the decorations and other miscellaneous add-ons. For me, the content is the thing that is important in a project. A project is given to enhance researching skills, writing skills, and some other skills. But art projects are those that need to be designed. I believe in the principle simplicity is beauty. I hate designing because I don't know how! (it's my opinion)

I want to be remembered as Dan Henry, the one who always sees things simple and unsophisticated.


But that most important thing that I want to be remembered is being a friend to those who needed a friend. A friend who has a helping hand. A friend who could have pushed you down but helped you back up. A friend who laughed with you in happy times and mourned with you during bad. A friend who didn't leave you hanging. A friend whom you can lend you a crying shoulder. A friend whom you could ask for advice. A friend whom you could release your anger to. (e.g. punch.., not joking!)

I don't want to be remembered just because I am the son of a faculty member or because I was a member of the batch.

I don't want to be remembered as the harsh CWTS officer who was blinded with power. Instead, I want to be remembered as the blinded officer who saw the error of his ways and accepted it to change eventually.

But most of all, I want to be remembered for what I am, not what I had.

BSPT-my college course??

As what I have talked about in one of my posts that I have a dilemma of choosing what course to take during college. Another choice came into being. I could take up BSPT or Bachelor of Science in Physical Therapy.

This course has something to do basically with the rehabilitation of a healed part of the human body, a healed broken bone for example. This maybe not much but it is fulfilling. With ComSci (Computer Science), I can help businessmen or companies perhaps. With ChemE (Chemical Engineering), I help people indirectly. But with PT (Physical Therapy), I can help people personally. I can help more people. Helping people heal wasn't in my mind when I was younger, but I realized that I wanted to help people.

Being in public service is something that some people want to 'do'. They only entertain them. They only supply them with their basic commodities. But they also look at the profit they could make. Being a physical therapist, a person can serve with his own hands and let the patients feel the care that they need. A gentle rehabilitation for a stressful disaster.

But I still need to look at the fees that have to be paid to become a physical therapist. First of all, there is the tuition fee. Now is the time for weighing things. For the first year, a student has to pay about Php 27600. While for the second year is just about the same. For the third year, about Php 27800. For the fourth year is Php 29100. But BSPT is a five-year course. There is the fifth year. The tuition fee for the fifth year is about a shocking Php 64ooo! It is so expensive! The approximate total is Php 176100.

Good thing that my sister told me that she will pay for my college education. I am very thankful to her because even though she already has a husband, she didn't forget her family. I know that she and her husband would soon make a family of their own, she would still support my education. The problem of the tuition fee is now out of the way.


You may be wondering about one thing: If I want to serve people, why Pt and not nursing?
It is because in nursing, there is a thing called the nightshift or the graveyard shift and PT has a regular 8-hr office hours. I know that in service, there is sacrifice. But I can't sacrifice my health. If I am in a nightshift, my body would be tired because I tire very quick. I can't be able to to my job so well. But with a regular 8-hr schedule, I can rest and be a hundred percent in doing my job.

Another is that if I want to go abroad (IF i want to...), there is also a great demand of PT's there. If salary is being discussed, nursing and PT is just about the same. But my sister told me that PT's have larger salaries because of overtime. But going abroad is not on my mind right now because the people I want to help recover are the Filipinoes. In a way, I can help other Filipinoes.

If I would pass the entrance test and qualify for enrollment, I would take up BSPT.

college dilemma...

Once in a high school student's life comes a time where he/she has to choose what course to take during college. Being a fourth year high school student, I am currently experiencing such dilemma.

A student prefers one of the two fields: analysis or memorization. Or others could be neither, or both. As for me, I prefer analysis because I hate memorizing. Memorization for me is just storing temporary data in the brain, but analysis is a permanent understanding of a subject.

Back to the topic, I can choose a course that is more on analysis. But I can't figure out the profession that will suit me after I graduate. Ergo, I have to choose a course that offers me a suitable occupation. I want to have a well-paying job that is enjoyable. I could take up BS Computer Science and be a computer programmer since I enjoy being in front of a PC monitor like my friends. But I have to look at the cons, just to weigh things out. As what the picture in my blog shows, I am wearing eye glasses. But what is now obvious there is the grades of the lenses. Honestly, they are very high. Going back to being a computer programmer, I have to be face a computer monitor for a long time in order to work. My concern is my precious blurred vision, and I mean precious. I know that this is what I have, I have to make the most out of it. Not just wasting it all away facing a computer monitor.

As we were educated with the subject of chemistry, I found it very intersting. I found it very easy to learn when you get the hang of it. Though the terminologies are very difficult, they were easy to place in my mind. It is because they can be remembered with analysis. For example (just an easy one), boiling point is the temperature at which a liquid starts to boil. It can be analyzed like this: the temperature where a liquid starts to boil is boiling point. It pretty much easier to remember than: ang epiko ng Ilocos ay ang Biag ni Lam-ang. You have to memorize that. Though it has no relevance to me at all, I have to memorize that though I know in a couple of years, no body in the batch would remember that (no offense but I just found that irrelevant in my life).

With that ease with studying about chemistry, I could choose BS Chemical Engineering as a course in college. But, (there's that but again) I don't know what kind of job I would have if I pursue the course. As what my sister tells me, "tighimo ra ka ug sabon". I know that she is justing joking to make me a little confused. But what can I do? I am unfamiliar with the professions the course would let me. I could work at MEPZ. But I don't want to. I am asthmatic too. The fumes that I would breathe in if I become a chemical engineer could cause my death. I will not be a chemist or anything that involves chemical reactions that creates fumes.

My God! I cannot choose courses that will harm my health.

physics class....

Physics is one of the sciences that are taught to high school students. It is usually taught in the fourth year level. But in the University of the Philippines High School in Cebu, it is taught in the third year level (Basic Physics) and in the fourth year level (Advanced Physics).

One can assume that Advanced Physics would be more difficult. But in my experience, I find Basic Physics harder. Maybe it is my fault (laziness), but I found basic physics very hard to be understood. It was just mainly about linear motion and projectile motion. But the formulas that were used in solving were very hard to utilize. During the first grading period, I was unable to answer more than 50% of the total questions asked (that includes the discussions, assignments, seatworks, long tests, and the periodical test).

One factor of my performance is Sir Nuñez's bedroom voice. Every physics class would be like a sleeping pill to me. I feel very sleepy during his class. That would make me very behind to the discussion. As I pondered upon my performance in the subject, I realized that I had to try harder. So I did. I practiced. I triumphed. Though I was not the best, my grade was enough to make me pass.

Now in the fourth year, I find advanced physics easier. The reason is that advanced physics is more on concepts. So I don't have to deal with a lot of equations

lingering look

The Look
Strephon kissed me in the spring,
Robin in the fall,
But Colin only looked at me
And never kissed at all.

Strephon's kiss was lost in jest,
Robin's lost in play,
But the kiss in Colin's eyes
Haunts me night and day.
-- Sara Teasdale

Isn't it weird that only a look remained while the kisses weren't?
One thing can be remembered if it has a signifaicant value to a person. In the poem, the kisses by Strephon and Robin maybe were just flings, or maybe just lust.
Each person looks for a someone that would be the one who would complement him/her. As you see, each person looks for someone that he/she would love who would love him/her back.
A kiss would mean 'love' to some people. But sometimes, it would just mean lust. But Colin's look was so full of love that it remained forever in the speaker.
In life, even the littlest thing may sometimes have the biggest effect. Sometimes, a single word may be remembered forever by a person because of its big effect. In the poem, Colin's gaze was so full of passion, so full of life. Or maybe Colin is someone who the speaker has unknowingly loved.

Love works in baffling ways. We may not notice it, we could have been loving someone without us even knowing it. I know that because I did, I really did. When I first became aware of loving that special someone, I felt light. I felt that I was on cloud nine. If you have loved or currently loving someone, you would agree with me a hundred percent. To be in love means happiness if you only look on the bright side. The not so bright side is the times of obstacles. But when the two people team up and work together, no obstacle in the world can break the love they share.

I am a little bit moving away from the topic back there. So, I will go back to the poem.

Strephon and Robin were two different people. Since the poem states that Strephon kissed the speaker in spring and Robin in the fall, it can be inferred that she 'loved' them at different times.

Why did I enclosed the word 'loved' in quotation marks? This is my reason:

Jest and play are synonymous. Both are related to humor, laughter, or mockery of some sort. Both have a definition opposed to seriousness. That means that the relationships of the speaker
with Strephon and Robin are just flings. That is the reason why Strephon's kiss was lost in jest and Robin's lost in play.

On the other hand, Colin's look was meant more than a kiss from flings. When noticing that Colin was looking at her, the speaker would have probably looked at Colin's eyes for Colin's look to haunt her night and day. An eye-to-eye contact shows more what words can say. It shows compassion by both parties.

A different reason for Colin's haunting look could be that Colin was someone to the speaker in the past. Colin could have been her special someone would she broke up with and regretted what she had done because she still loved him through the years.